Last night, I finally admitted to myself that I have a cold. I was due for it, I suppose, considering Tim and Sofie have been swapping germs the past 1.5 months. I managed to avoid coming down with anything until now.
Guess it might be the universe’s way of telling me I need not go out on Black Friday.
I did, however, run to Macy’s after dinner last night. (Fondue… yum!) I just needed to get out and wander aimlessly.
As I was strolling through the baby section, I spotted a cute little shirt, but quickly realized it was too small for Sofie. That prompted the biggest smile from me.
Then it hit me. One year ago, almost to the day, I was doing the exact same thing… Strolling around Macy’s, trying to distract myself from the whirlwind around me: I had just been released from the hospital after delivering Sofie 3 months early, she remained at the hospital indefinitely,… I’d been feeling pretty much like I’d been living an out of body existence since becoming pregnant.
And, a year ago as I strolled through Macy’s trying to convince myself everything was normal and going to be okay, I became increasingly frustrated and saddened to realize NOTHING there would fit her little body. What was I thinking? I mean, even the micropreemie diapers at the NICU were humongous on her. Then, as I saw other moms pushing their strollers around or carrying their little joeys in their pouches, for the first time in the preemie journey I grew jealous, mad, sad, scared… you name it.
It wasn’t fair.
And that was the last time I let myself go to that place in my head.
Sofia was strong enough to bust out of me early, I needed to be strong enough to cheer her on.
Now, this year? This year is different. Sofie is strong, happy, curious and thriving. It’s now clear to me that she loves me and her daddy.
And I am beyond thankful.
At this point, what are a few sniffles, coughs and sneezes? Especially if it gives me a pass from putting dinner together?! And, aren’t ya supposed to feed a cold? :)Filed under NaBloPoMo, sofia, blahblahblah | Comments (2)