“Why be a servant to the law when you can be its master?” & other panaceas

I’m having a hard time doing much of anything today, including thinking. I feel, like, so doh. Almost as if I’ve time traveled back to 4 days ago, in the depths of my cold. Anyway, when sick at home &/or feeling so dull, isn’t watching crap tv the best?

This weekend, part of my sick-at-home-crapfest included Beauty Shop with Queen Latifah. A pretty okay cast, too, considering: Alfre Woodard, Mena Suvari, Andie MacDowell (who has always annoyed me), Alicia Silverstone, Kimora Lee, Keisha Knight Pulliam (yep, Cosby Show’s Rudy getting sexay!), and Sherri Shepherd (from The View). And some casting genius placed Kevin Bacon as a faux gay German salon owner. They should have played up his part more. He was delish.

The Lifetime channel can always be counted on to conjure up a bowl of cheesy mindless entertainment. Partner that up with the Food Network, and you’re all set. Just steer clear of the shopping channels… In a sick state, one is rendered helpless by the inexplicable hypnotic voodoo they cast. Don’t let what happened to Kerrioke happen to you. Now that you’ve been warned, I don’t wanna hear you whinin’ about your future Magic Bullet purchase.

What other people have to say on the sick day/tv subject:

• The Pilver rightfully throws game shows into the panacea.
• This Chicago Sun-Times article admirably approaches the whole phenomenon rather scientifically.
• Teague Bohlen is on target with throwing Judge Judy in there.

Anyway…

The title of this blog post is a quote from another great sick-at-home flick: the classic cheese piece, Point Break.

If you’ve seen the movie (I know you have), you may appreciate this: How to Get Out of Trouble With Your Mom Using Nothing But Point Break Lines.

I’m now inspired. What would be my top 10 picks for sick-at-home tv viewing?

Not necessarily in order:

1. Office Space (movie)
2. Judge Judy/People’s Court and the like (tv)
3. anything with Bobby Flay (tv)
4. Project Runway reruns
5. Princess Bride (movie)
6. Will & Grace reruns
7. just about any E! True Hollywood episode (I’m not so discriminating when sick)
8. Iron Chef (either original or America)
9. Oprah
10. Tyra

addendum 1: I reserve the right to insert into the list any shiny treasures that happen to randomly appear on the tube on any given sick day.

addendum 2: Mind you, I don’t consider most of the above crap, however, I’ll grant some of it may be crap-light.

Okay. Now that I’ve NaBloPoMo’d today, I’m going back to drinking my Coke and staring at the shadows that the ceiling fan is making on my office walls. (I, wisely unfortunately, do not have a tv in my office.)

Filed under NaBloPoMo, blahblahblah, guilty pleasures |