I had an appointment to see my psychiatrist a few weeks ago, but had to postpone. I honestly don’t remember why… root canal drama early November, then turkey day travel, then Sofie sick, then me sick, and sick again… Who remembers anymore?

So, I was told that the next available appointment was Christmas Eve morning. When the receptionist told me over the phone, she had an apologetic “I understand if you wouldn’t want to come in then” tone in her voice. It initially struck me as an odd day to go, then I immediately figured “What the hell. Whatever. Sure. I’ll take it.” Anyway, it’s not kept me from going in the past on Valentine’s Day, or my birthday, or Groundhog’s Day.

Cut to today. It was everything I could have hoped for.

I finished checking in and discovered there was only one chair left in the waiting room, next to a big man-lady with a deep and, um, productive cough.

So, I sat. I waited and waited. I stared at the clock that taunted me with its loud tick tick tick…

The patient who came in after me carried two Chinese food cartons with Christmas decorations on them. She gave one to the receptionists before sitting down to stew in her viscerally obvious glumness.

The receptionist giggled, “Oh! We’ve gotten so many treats today! What pretty paper! [throws paper out of box; it falls to the floor. ] Oooh! Cookies! [chomp chomp] Mmmm… [chomp].” All of that, in one fell swoop.

I suddenly noticed Christmas music coming out of the boom box (yes, boom box) on a shelf. At that precise moment, as if right on cue, Sleigh Ride fell into the verse:
There’s a happy feeling
nothing in the world can buy,
When they pass around the chocolate
and the pumpkin pie
It’ll nearly be like a picture print
by Currier and Ives
These wonderful things are the things
we remember all through our lives!

I thought to myself that I couldn’t have made up that moment if I had tried.

Suddenly distracted by thirst, I started to get up & head for the water cooler but then saw Mr. Productive Cough Lady had the same idea. Seated in her chair, she pushed herself up, using her Rascal as a brace.

I sat there, feeling as though I had just witnessed a tv evangelical healing…”She has risen - RISEN! I say - from her Rascal and can WALK!” This was all accompanied by Oh Come All Ye Faithful on the boom box, supported by the bass of the lady’s grunts, produced with each step.

I was suddenly no longer thirsty.

A Louis Armstrong carol started streaming over the airwaves. I started to imagine Tom Waits playing Louis Armstrong in a movie, which led to composing Waits/Armstrong mashups in my head. I deftly started weaving together What a Wonderful World & Christmas Card From a Hooker in Minneapolis.

Just then, my thoroughly watered waiting room neighbor interrupted my creative process, leaned in and grunted:

“Hey, excuse me, Miss.”

“Um, yes?”

“Can you tell me how to get to In-and-Out from here?”

I gave her directions.

“Oh, thank you. I have to go to Ventura after this, so that’s not really on the way. But I wonder where there’s one in Ventura.”

“I don’t know.”

“Oh, I know where, but I don’t want to wait that long! I’m dying for a burger. I’ve been craving…”

At this point, her voice turned into the teacher’s voice in the Peanuts animated shows.

“Wah wah WAH wah Wah…”

Tick, tick, tick…

_______________________________

Charlie, for chrissakes,
do you want to know the truth of it?
That I ain’t got no husband;
he don’t play the trombone either
I gotta borrow money, you see.
I gotta pay this lawyer.
And Charlie, by the way,
They say I’m gonna be be eligible for parole
come valentines day.
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world.

How fulfilling it is to now have the words to honorably describe that weighty gaze.

Ah, that weighty gaze.

Yessss. That’s it. That’s exactly it.

For Eros

When you love,
May you feel the joy
Of your heart coming
As your love’s gaze
Lands on your eyes,
Holding them,
Like the weight of a kiss,
Deepening

May slow sequences
Of kisses discover
Your secret echoes.

– John O’Donohue

FINALLY!!! Formerly on BRAVO, Project Runway was sold to Lifetime, prompting a much too lengthy legal battle between BRAVO & the show’s producer. BRAVO and Lifetime made money nice this past spring, and now the countdown to the season premiere is on!

Oh, how I’ve missed you, Project Runway.

LA Times
‘Project Runway’ returns Aug. 20

“Project Runway” fans can now breathe a sigh of relief. The show’s sixth season has an official air date of Aug. 20 — that’s just 42 days, 6 hours and 13 minutes (from the time this post went up) away, according to the Countdown to the Premiere Clock on Lifetime’s website.

Also on the site are bios and videos of the Season 6 contestants, including L.A. local Johnny Sakalis, a 30-year-old designer who lives in West Hollywood. In his audition video, he presents the panel (which includes Tim Gunn and Santino Rice), with a swing coat and hoodie made from red-and-cream striped French damask fabric that had previously covered his friend’s wall. Judging from those two pieces I’m not convinced by our hometown boy, but maybe he’ll prove me wrong come Aug. 20.…

–Melissa Magsaysay

The Dish
The Santa Barbara Conference & Visitors Bureau and Film Commission (SBCVB&FC) and the Santa Barbara Downtown Organization (DO) joined forces to develop epicure.sb: a month to savor santa barbara. Making its debut October 2009, epicure.sb is designed to celebrate Santa Barbara’s abundant and diverse epicurean offerings. The new annual promotion builds off of established foodie-friendly community events that take place in October—Harbor & Seafood Festival, California Lemon Festival, California Avocado Festival and Celebration of Harvest—while offering additional programming that showcases regional cuisine, libations and culture. Special midweek menus, educational seminars, mixology demonstrations, farmers’ market tours, cooking classes, micro-brew tastings, book signings, winemaker dinners and much more will fill the month up with tasty opportunities for both LOCALS and VISITORS to sip and savor the uniquely local flavors of Santa Barbara County. This month-long promotional platform is designed to stimulate business and introduce new customers to restaurants, retailers, attractions and events that highlight Santa Barbara’s bountiful harvest. It will entice visitors to plan a trip to Santa Barbara and extend their stay, while providing locals with something new to experience and driving business downtown in off-peak periods.

1. This post at Savvy Wallet regarding the new regulations to be placed on credit card companies. Frustrating that the regs do not go into effect until July 2010, but I’m glad to know they have been passed.

(Here’s a WSJ article on the matter.)

2. The latest newsletter from the Santa Barbara Downtown Organization. (Here’s a pdf.) An article on page 2 totally disturbed me. Santa Barbara drivers, be( a)ware.

New Parking Enforcement Tool
Don’t think you can get away with the 75 minute shuffle! In February the Santa Barbara Police Department (SBPD) began utilizing an electronic chalking system to monitor parking enforcement. The “autoChalk” system uses photographic, laser and GPS orientation to identify parking violators. This system is currently installed on one of ten parking enforcement vehicles used by the SBPD.

The autoChalk system uses color photographs to provide proof of an offense. These photographs are coupled with the system’s unique technology to determine vehicle length, vehicle color and survey quality GPS positioning.

The information determines the length of time a vehicle has been parked at a specific location. AutoChalk prompts the Parking Enforcement Officer that a violator has been identified so the officer can issue a citation. This system can be operated in inclement weather which further enhances the efficiency of parking enforcement.

In 2007 the SBPD requested proposals from vendors utilizing this and similar technology in an on-going effort to reduce serious and repetitive stress injuries associated with traditional tire chalking methods. The autoChalk system permits Parking Enforcement Officers to electronically identify violators from the safety of their vehicle while traveling with the flow of traffic.

The autoChalk system also possesses license plate reading technology to identify habitual parking offenders and stolen vehicles through the California Law Enforcement Terminal System (CLETS). The autoChalk system costs $60,000 and was paid for partially through auto theft grant funds as well as salary savings from unfilled positions in the Parking Enforcement Unit. The SBPD will still continue to use traditional chalking methods as well.

The Santa Barbara Police department is committed to providing a safe environment for its employees while continuing to provide efficient and effective parking enforcement for the community. If anyone has further questions on the autoChalk system feel to contact Sergeant Lorenzo Duarte at 897-2332 or lduarte@sbpd.com.

I now have bronchitis.

I feel like crap.

Sofie’s greatly improved… a bit raspy, but otherwise playful.

We started watching Pirates of Penzance Sunday. She seemed especially smitten by Kevin Kline.

My sister, Elysia, is flying into town this Wednesday. Wants to nail down some details for her wedding here in May.

She’s repeatedly tried calling Bella Dolce to arrange for a cake, but no answer. Anyone know what that’s about?

Okay. Time for me to make some tea. Just wanted to pass forward this awesomeness that George shared.

I’ll be back soon to write. I have lots to say. :)

Enjoy!

How fabulous is this Matryoshka Cafe Curtain print?! But wait… there’s more fabulousness with this item:

The ready-made cafe curtain is one of those brilliant exports from Japan. These have a white, screen printed scalloped border along each edge, and pre-cut holes for curtain rods. Simply trim the excess fabric along the scallops, hem the sides to the appropriate width (or just finish with some bias tape!), and you have ready to hang curtains! The screen print ink will keep the fabric from fraying along the scallops and curtain rod loops, minimizing the prep work - ingenious!

Ingenious, indeed!

Available at SuperBuzzy, home of “Japanese fabrics, notions, fun craft supplies, and other cute stuff.” Thanks to Junior Society for bringing this into my world. SuperBuzzy’s website was recently redesigned by Meomi, of whom I am a long time fan and tshirt-wearer.

AND… SuperBuzzy is apparently located just down the way from me in Ventura!

Are you interested in seeing everything in person? We don’t have a retail location, but we love walk-in warehouse visitors! Please email or give us a call to set up a time in advance so that we don’t miss you!

Definitely a visit will be occurring in my near future.

His post brought to mind a pet peeve of mine…another irksome phenomenon from the world of bumper sticker philosophy - this kind of crap:

Every kid deserves to be honored at [Wasteland] Middle School.

The idiot p.c.-overboard parents are essentially retaliating over those who display “I have an honors student” bumper sitckers and whining, My kid’s a loser who plays video games too much and barely manages a C average but he still deserves to be honored.

And another thing…

WTF is the deal with those “In loving memory” decals these days? You know, those ones that cover practically the entire back windshield, sometimes with a white chalkesque outline of the loved one’s profile or perhaps part of a collage which may include an Our Lady of Guadalupe decal and a sticker of Calvin (sans Hobbes) taking a piss?

*****

OMG!!! Was just googling to find an image/link to help illustrate aforementioned decals. This site has ‘em for, like, your dog (with choice of various breeds), your cat, your horse (oh, wait… that’s a Great Dane)… There are even two different versions of Hello Kitty decals. (UPDATE 7 Jan 09: There’s a Great Dane decal and a horse one. Just thought you’d like to know.)

BTW… Huh? What’s up with the elk and deer?!

And those stick figure family decals, too, which often include the family’s stick figure dog or cat. And the females are all depicted Stepford-like in skirts, not trousers. Those annoy me, too.

Anyway…

I informed Tim last week that he does not have to get a R.I.P. decal for the car should I move on to that happy hour in the sky. His response: “Oh, thank you Sweetie!” And in his voice, I definitely heard more genuine gratitude than sarcasm. For sure.

Playing for Change’s music video project featuring musicians from around the world performing Stand By Me is simply stunning and magical.

Happy new year, my friends.

Holiday shopping fun at Borders!